Hmmm, February is the month that love is in the air. Red balloons, cute teddy bears and cards proclaiming “you’re my Lobster”. Maybe you enjoy this season of romance or perhaps it makes you feel awkward about how you feel about yourself.

“How can anyone love you, if you don’t love yourself?” is a question that is thrown out there quite a bit.

Self-love doesn’t equate to being loved by others. You absolutely can be loved appropriately by others who see the joy you bring, when you find it difficult to love and accept yourself. 

Our Lover Powertype stems from our need to belong and connect. She helps us access our true selves, with compassion, vulnerability and care. Lover is the centre of our vitality and self-acceptance. She draws people to her with her zest and energy, as well as her ability to help others feels seen and known. And boy, she’s fun to bring to any social event, romantic moment or team activities!

What would life be like for you, if you had easy access to your Lover? 

Self-love: hands making a heart shape with a glowing sunrise behind them

Yet, many of us at some point will have experienced times of low access to Lover. 

Our trust gets broken. Values and boundaries crossed. Hearts broken. 

The expectations or needs we have of family, friends or intimate partners can go unmet – sometimes deliberately, sometimes unknowingly. 

The relationship we have with self-love and self-acceptance alters and distorts. We no longer care about our wellbeing, appearance or joy. Keeping people at arm’s length can become a pattern of safety seeking or we over give, martyring ourselves to try to find love and acceptance from others. Conversations, looks and gestures can reply in our heads as we try to find meaning to explain our emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

Sound familiar?

Self-love: black background with hands holding a glowing red heart light

These challenges, negative experiences and meaning-making stories can hold us back from self-love, self-acceptance and self-belief. We do this to protect ourselves from hurt – rejection, judgement, abandonment, dependency, feeling overwhelming hopelessness or recalling old pains.

Self-love gives us the ability to feel all the feels and experience all the nuances and colours of life. It gives us compassion for others and ourselves – to see and feel that perfection isn’t a reality, rather the ebb and flow of life needs empathy and care for us all to thrive without doubts.

What would it be like to create greater self-love by exploring and resolving the memories, experiences and meanings of the past, shaping a future in which you feel more joy?

Self-love: looking up throw a forest of trees, a hand is held up against the sky, holding a heart shape leaf

If you’d like to become your own best lover and open life up to being bolder and more courageous in your relationships at home, at work and at play, I’d love to introduce you to how you can achieve deep healing in a few hours of work with me and shift to self-love and access to Lover.